Thank you all who attended the meeting meeting for parents with children with autism and other disabilities held at longwood Baptist Church. The meeting was a great opportunity for families to pray, talk, and share experiences. Thanks Chris and Christina Davis for being such great hosts and for the Star Bucks coffee! The next meeting will be on Monday December 13th at 6:30. Child Care will be provided.
Peace and Love,
Andrew
Romans 8:28
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Part Three: The Team - Advice to Parents
Part Three: The Team
Jacob formed a team. Each of his 12 sons was assigned a different role and they became the 12 tribes of Israel. "All these are the twelve tribes of Israel, and this is what their father said to them when he blessed them, giving each the blessing appropriate to him" Genesis 49:28
Jesus picked his disciples. He emphasized the importance of a team by choosing a diverse group of men with different gifts. "And Jesus said unto them, Come ye after me, and I will make you to become fishers of men." Mark 1:17
Before I get to the main point, I want to focus on why forming a team can be very difficult in modern society. When I think about my two late grandfathers, I think about men who could rebuild cars, build houses, grow food, and speak intelligently about the political and moral issues of their time. When I think about my two late grandmothers I think about women who could birth and raise children, provide some medical care, teach in the home, preserve and store food, and network in their community. People of my grandparents’ generation survived two great wars and one great depression. They lived in largely Christian communities with close local networks of support.
Those days are gone.
Our society has evolved into a society of isolated specialists. People know less about more. People, on average, cannot change oil, teach kids, or build things. It is shocking how little many people know about what they eat and drink. Issues of faith and society are ignored in many cases in favor of “must see TV.” I’m not talking about everyone. In a society in which people are used to farming out the most important aspects of their life to someone else so they can enjoy frivolity and nasality, someone has to provide training in the basics.
In short, we need to be like Americans in my grandparents’ generation.
When you go to the doctor, teacher, specialist, etc. you will probably be disappointed. You will understand that they have one size fits all plans for your child that may not be appropriate. You will have to take charge of each aspect of your child’s life. You will have to learn a great deal in a short time. You can delegate as much as possible but you are responsible for knowing the quality of service.
Understand that the pediatrician and teacher in your child’s life are part of greater institutions that limit their scope. If they step outside the institutional framework they will be punished to some degree. For example, you may not want 40 vaccines stuck in your child by age 6. Perhaps you’re suspicious that the rapid growth of autism in the U.S. coincided with the huge increase in vaccines. Most pediatricians will reject the apparent coincidence due to the doctor culture that believes you can never have too many vaccines. It is also a multi-billion dollar industry. I know from experience that it is hard to stand up to your kid’s doctor.
I fired him and replaced him with a better one.
I hired a DAN doctor. I hired an ABA specialist. It is a long list that includes his dentist, lab company, teacher and many others. I am his social emotional interaction instructor, his coach and his dietitian. You might say, “Big deal!” to some of these, but they are very important. If I didn’t do those things, I would have to hire someone to do it.
Most people can’t afford to hire the entire team, so you must learn to do stuff like my grandparents did. You must also learn to stand up to specialists who are giving you bad advice.
Contact me if you want to go into greater detail about what your team should look like as it depends on your child’s needs. The larger point is that you need to know about what each doctor, teacher, and specialist is doing. You are in charge of your child and your child’s team.
When you form your team, look to how Jesus and Jacob formed their teams. The Bible is full of examples of God bringing people together to help each other.
As Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 says, "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has not another to help him up."
Peace and Love,
Andrew
Jacob formed a team. Each of his 12 sons was assigned a different role and they became the 12 tribes of Israel. "All these are the twelve tribes of Israel, and this is what their father said to them when he blessed them, giving each the blessing appropriate to him" Genesis 49:28
Jesus picked his disciples. He emphasized the importance of a team by choosing a diverse group of men with different gifts. "And Jesus said unto them, Come ye after me, and I will make you to become fishers of men." Mark 1:17
Before I get to the main point, I want to focus on why forming a team can be very difficult in modern society. When I think about my two late grandfathers, I think about men who could rebuild cars, build houses, grow food, and speak intelligently about the political and moral issues of their time. When I think about my two late grandmothers I think about women who could birth and raise children, provide some medical care, teach in the home, preserve and store food, and network in their community. People of my grandparents’ generation survived two great wars and one great depression. They lived in largely Christian communities with close local networks of support.
Those days are gone.
Our society has evolved into a society of isolated specialists. People know less about more. People, on average, cannot change oil, teach kids, or build things. It is shocking how little many people know about what they eat and drink. Issues of faith and society are ignored in many cases in favor of “must see TV.” I’m not talking about everyone. In a society in which people are used to farming out the most important aspects of their life to someone else so they can enjoy frivolity and nasality, someone has to provide training in the basics.
In short, we need to be like Americans in my grandparents’ generation.
When you go to the doctor, teacher, specialist, etc. you will probably be disappointed. You will understand that they have one size fits all plans for your child that may not be appropriate. You will have to take charge of each aspect of your child’s life. You will have to learn a great deal in a short time. You can delegate as much as possible but you are responsible for knowing the quality of service.
Understand that the pediatrician and teacher in your child’s life are part of greater institutions that limit their scope. If they step outside the institutional framework they will be punished to some degree. For example, you may not want 40 vaccines stuck in your child by age 6. Perhaps you’re suspicious that the rapid growth of autism in the U.S. coincided with the huge increase in vaccines. Most pediatricians will reject the apparent coincidence due to the doctor culture that believes you can never have too many vaccines. It is also a multi-billion dollar industry. I know from experience that it is hard to stand up to your kid’s doctor.
I fired him and replaced him with a better one.
I hired a DAN doctor. I hired an ABA specialist. It is a long list that includes his dentist, lab company, teacher and many others. I am his social emotional interaction instructor, his coach and his dietitian. You might say, “Big deal!” to some of these, but they are very important. If I didn’t do those things, I would have to hire someone to do it.
Most people can’t afford to hire the entire team, so you must learn to do stuff like my grandparents did. You must also learn to stand up to specialists who are giving you bad advice.
Contact me if you want to go into greater detail about what your team should look like as it depends on your child’s needs. The larger point is that you need to know about what each doctor, teacher, and specialist is doing. You are in charge of your child and your child’s team.
When you form your team, look to how Jesus and Jacob formed their teams. The Bible is full of examples of God bringing people together to help each other.
As Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 says, "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has not another to help him up."
Peace and Love,
Andrew
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Advice to Parents Part 2: The Plan
The Plan: After you fight off the panic and plant your feet on the rock of faith, you will need a plan. Someone once said if you want to make God smile, tell him your plans. As hard as it is to believe God has a plan for your life. My daily prayers always include the words: tell me your will. The sooner you discern Gods will for your life the more life will make sense. Get into the word (your Bible)( Check out Bible gateway.com ) Meet with a Bible study group and find a good pastor. Whatever you do pray to know his will.
10 This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Jeremiah 29: 10-12
In this part of the Bible God's promise is to deliver his people from suffering. When Andrew was first diagnosed things were very difficult for us. Years later things are better. We all have to do our time in Babylon, then God will deliver. Connect with God. Don't suffer alone. Isolation is your enemy.
Plan 1: Plan for your faith life: If your Church will not or can not help you, find one that can. Isolation is your enemy.
Plan 2: Plan to keep the lines of communication open: Keep them open with your spouse, kids, parents, pastor, friends, ect. Isolation is your enemy.
Plan 3: Assemble your team: (More about this in part 3) Gather together all those who will help you battle the giant that is autism. Your spouse, parents, pastor, friends, doctors, teachers, ect. Remember: not everyone will help you and some will oppose you. You will have to learn how to deal with it and keep your team strong. Isolation is your enemy.
Plan 4: Construct a financial plan based on needs and projected costs. Geography needs to be considered. Some states offer most services (Such as ABA therapy) at no cost. In other states only the wealthy can afford the top shelf services. moving to an autism friendly state and/ or locality must be your first consideration. Beyond that, understanding your projected expenses versus your projected earnings is crucial. Some go into debt to provide services for their child but that can be a disastrous route. Divorce is like an atom bomb of financial destruction. Avoid it. Isolation is your enemy.
Plan 5: Plan to change the plans. Life will come at you fast. You have to be able to work with your team to make changes quickly and out of the box. Pray daily to understand God's plan for your life.
Peace and Love,
Andrew
Romans 8:28
10 This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
Jeremiah 29: 10-12
In this part of the Bible God's promise is to deliver his people from suffering. When Andrew was first diagnosed things were very difficult for us. Years later things are better. We all have to do our time in Babylon, then God will deliver. Connect with God. Don't suffer alone. Isolation is your enemy.
Plan 1: Plan for your faith life: If your Church will not or can not help you, find one that can. Isolation is your enemy.
Plan 2: Plan to keep the lines of communication open: Keep them open with your spouse, kids, parents, pastor, friends, ect. Isolation is your enemy.
Plan 3: Assemble your team: (More about this in part 3) Gather together all those who will help you battle the giant that is autism. Your spouse, parents, pastor, friends, doctors, teachers, ect. Remember: not everyone will help you and some will oppose you. You will have to learn how to deal with it and keep your team strong. Isolation is your enemy.
Plan 4: Construct a financial plan based on needs and projected costs. Geography needs to be considered. Some states offer most services (Such as ABA therapy) at no cost. In other states only the wealthy can afford the top shelf services. moving to an autism friendly state and/ or locality must be your first consideration. Beyond that, understanding your projected expenses versus your projected earnings is crucial. Some go into debt to provide services for their child but that can be a disastrous route. Divorce is like an atom bomb of financial destruction. Avoid it. Isolation is your enemy.
Plan 5: Plan to change the plans. Life will come at you fast. You have to be able to work with your team to make changes quickly and out of the box. Pray daily to understand God's plan for your life.
Peace and Love,
Andrew
Romans 8:28
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