Part Four: Lies and Deception - Advice to Parents

Part Four: Lies and Deception - Advice to Parents

In Genesis The serpant is clearly identified as the bad guy:
"Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”" Gen. 3: 1-3
She knew God said not to eat the fruit. The serpent's question was designed to bring about doubt and confusion. The serpant was clearly the smarter one in the interchange. His goal was achieved with the fall. "Then the LORD God said to the woman, ''What is this you have done?' The woman said, 'The serpent deceived me, and I ate.'" Gen. 3:13 You probably heard the rest. Adam also ate the fruit. Sin was introduced to the world and the two were ejected from eden.

The serpant, of course, was/ is the devil. Jesus gave his diciples instruction about dealing with those who would persecute them. He told them to be smart like the serpant without compromising their faith. “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16

Why is this important to a parent? Think back to what the serpant said to Eve in the garden. He tried to sow confusion, falsely justify, and mislead.

The bottom line is sometimes everything is great with those who serve your child. You still you need to watch those who say they want to help your child:

The school administrator may mislead you, not based on his knowledge of right and wrong, but on the situational ethics of the environment in which he works and suvives.

The pediatrican that suspects problems with vaccinations or other treatment fears losing his job, reputation, and licence.

The insurance rep is pressured to parrot the line of her corporate masters.

It is very common for a parent to have interactions with good hearted teachers who say: "Officailly I can't comment but I will give you the true story off the record."

Jesus said to be shrewd like a snake. At that time he was warning about the powerful of that time who would hurt the diciples. In our context this means that you should understand the ways of those who will do evil or wrong against your family. Don't trust a functionary who may follows the unethical orders of powerful persons you may never meet. When you deal with the representative of the medical community, school system, or corporation your not dealing with an individual who always makes individual ethical choices. Sometimes your dealing with the distant powerful of our time who put money, power, and status ahead of the best interest of your child.

So in short:
Be shrewd like a snake, be as innocent as a dove, and watch out for wolves.

Peace and Love,
Andrew

Disability and Autism parents group at Longwood Baptist

An autism/ disability support meeting will held at the First Baptist Church of Longwood on Monday Dec. 13th at 630 pm. This meeting is for parents and other supporters of children and/ or adults with diabilities. Child care will provided. Please RSVP with me ASAP. I hope you can come.


Peace and Love,

Andrew

Romans 8:28

November parents meeting in Longwood

Thank you all who attended the meeting meeting for parents with children with autism and other disabilities held at longwood Baptist Church. The meeting was a great opportunity for families to pray, talk, and share experiences. Thanks Chris and Christina Davis for being such great hosts and for the Star Bucks coffee! The next meeting will be on Monday December 13th at 6:30. Child Care will be provided.

Peace and Love,

Andrew

Romans 8:28

Part Three: The Team - Advice to Parents

Part Three: The Team

Jacob formed a team. Each of his 12 sons was assigned a different role and they became the 12 tribes of Israel. "All these are the twelve tribes of Israel, and this is what their father said to them when he blessed them, giving each the blessing appropriate to him" Genesis 49:28

Jesus picked his disciples. He emphasized the importance of a team by choosing a diverse group of men with different gifts. "And Jesus said unto them, Come ye after me, and I will make you to become fishers of men." Mark 1:17

Before I get to the main point, I want to focus on why forming a team can be very difficult in modern society. When I think about my two late grandfathers, I think about men who could rebuild cars, build houses, grow food, and speak intelligently about the political and moral issues of their time. When I think about my two late grandmothers I think about women who could birth and raise children, provide some medical care, teach in the home, preserve and store food, and network in their community. People of my grandparents’ generation survived two great wars and one great depression. They lived in largely Christian communities with close local networks of support.

Those days are gone.

Our society has evolved into a society of isolated specialists. People know less about more. People, on average, cannot change oil, teach kids, or build things. It is shocking how little many people know about what they eat and drink. Issues of faith and society are ignored in many cases in favor of “must see TV.” I’m not talking about everyone. In a society in which people are used to farming out the most important aspects of their life to someone else so they can enjoy frivolity and nasality, someone has to provide training in the basics.

In short, we need to be like Americans in my grandparents’ generation.

When you go to the doctor, teacher, specialist, etc. you will probably be disappointed. You will understand that they have one size fits all plans for your child that may not be appropriate. You will have to take charge of each aspect of your child’s life. You will have to learn a great deal in a short time. You can delegate as much as possible but you are responsible for knowing the quality of service.

Understand that the pediatrician and teacher in your child’s life are part of greater institutions that limit their scope. If they step outside the institutional framework they will be punished to some degree. For example, you may not want 40 vaccines stuck in your child by age 6. Perhaps you’re suspicious that the rapid growth of autism in the U.S. coincided with the huge increase in vaccines. Most pediatricians will reject the apparent coincidence due to the doctor culture that believes you can never have too many vaccines. It is also a multi-billion dollar industry. I know from experience that it is hard to stand up to your kid’s doctor.

I fired him and replaced him with a better one.

I hired a DAN doctor. I hired an ABA specialist. It is a long list that includes his dentist, lab company, teacher and many others. I am his social emotional interaction instructor, his coach and his dietitian. You might say, “Big deal!” to some of these, but they are very important. If I didn’t do those things, I would have to hire someone to do it.

Most people can’t afford to hire the entire team, so you must learn to do stuff like my grandparents did. You must also learn to stand up to specialists who are giving you bad advice.

Contact me if you want to go into greater detail about what your team should look like as it depends on your child’s needs. The larger point is that you need to know about what each doctor, teacher, and specialist is doing. You are in charge of your child and your child’s team.

When you form your team, look to how Jesus and Jacob formed their teams. The Bible is full of examples of God bringing people together to help each other.

As Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 says, "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has not another to help him up."

Peace and Love,

Andrew

Advice to Parents Part 2: The Plan

The Plan: After you fight off the panic and plant your feet on the rock of faith, you will need a plan. Someone once said if you want to make God smile, tell him your plans. As hard as it is to believe God has a plan for your life. My daily prayers always include the words: tell me your will. The sooner you discern Gods will for your life the more life will make sense. Get into the word (your Bible)( Check out  Bible gateway.com  ) Meet with a Bible study group and find a good pastor. Whatever you do pray to know his will.

¹⁰ This is what the LORD says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.

Jeremiah 29: 10-12

In this part of the Bible God's promise is to deliver his people from suffering. When Andrew was first diagnosed things were very difficult for us. Years later things are better. We all have to do our time in Babylon, then God will deliver. Connect with God. Don't suffer alone. Isolation is your enemy.

Plan 1: Plan for your faith life: If your Church will not or can not help you, find one that can. Isolation is your enemy.

Plan 2: Plan to keep the lines of communication open: Keep them open with your spouse, kids, parents, pastor, friends, ect. Isolation is your enemy.

Plan 3: Assemble your team: (More about this in part 3) Gather together all those who will help you battle the giant that is autism. Your spouse, parents, pastor, friends, doctors, teachers, ect. Remember: not everyone will help you and some will oppose you. You will have to learn how to deal with it and keep your team strong. Isolation is your enemy.

Plan 4: Construct a financial plan based on needs and projected costs. Geography needs to be considered. Some states offer most services (Such as ABA therapy) at no cost. In other states only the wealthy can afford the top shelf services. moving to an autism friendly state and/ or locality must be your first consideration. Beyond that,  understanding your projected expenses versus your projected earnings is crucial. Some go into debt to provide services for their child but that can be a disastrous route. Divorce is like an atom bomb of financial destruction. Avoid it. Isolation is your enemy.

Plan 5: Plan to change the plans. Life will come at you fast. You have to be able to work with your team to make changes quickly and out of the box. Pray daily to understand God's plan for your life.    

Peace and Love,

Andrew

Romans 8:28

Advice to Parents #1 :Don't Panic

If you havn't been reading your Bible lately a good place to jump back in is Exodus 4. At this point in the recount Pharoh has been convinced to release the Israelites from slavery and they were heading out of Egypt as fast as their feet would take them. They were overjoyed in the freedom the good Lord had provided for them through a series of persusive measures that included a rampage by the Angel of death and all Egypt's water supply turning to blood: God won, Pharoh lost.

Pharoh wanted another shot at the title.

He sent his army to crush Israel. That must have been scary. Imagine that you are part of this collection of slaves on the run and the army of the worlds greatest superpower is bearing down on you. Your basically toast. People must have been a bit freaked out because they were calling for surrender.  Moses set them straight when he said "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverence  the Lord will bring you today..." Exodus 4:13  Moses also said "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" Exodus 4:14 At that point the Angel of God worked a defensive manuver, the sea was parted and Israel escaped. Pharoh's army was destroyed when the sea came back together. God 2 pharoh 0 .Game over.

Most Christians can recall parts of this account but all to many do not understand it's meaning. Don't panic. When the diagnosis comes you will have your back to the sea with an army of fear, dispair, and sorrow bearing down on you. Don't panic. "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverence  the Lord will bring you today..."   Don't panic. I have been through what your going through and what you will go through. You don't have to go through it alone. It's OK to be afraid of what is coming your way as long as you remember what God did and what he does in our lives. Don't panic."The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still."

That's part one. Stand by for part 2.

Peace and Love,

Andrew

Monday Meeting

We had an excellent first meeting at Longwood Baptist! Thank you Chris and Christina! We are looking at dates for Novembers meeting and we will keep you informed.

Peace and Love,

Andrew

Romans 8:28

Autism support group meeting on Monday night,

We are having an autism family support meeting on Monday night Oct. 18th at Longwood Baptist Church. Child care will be available. Please RSVP with me asap and tell me if you need child care.

Peace and love,

Andrew

Part One: Advice to Parents of a Newly Diagnosed Child with Autism.

This blog can be used as a tool for a variety of purposes. The one I have envisioned as a top priority is giving advice to parents of a newly diagnosed child with autism. My son has autism and I have made mistakes. I did a lot that was right for him and a great deal of the credit can go to my network of friends, family, and trusted experts.

Churches must understand that they can do so much for these families. Churches must abandon reactive patchwork responses and adopt a proactive response useing best practices. The number one best practice is to help the new parents. Offering advice and support early is the single most important thing you can do to help.

I have been part of the autism community for the past 15 years. I have had many roles such as teacher, facilitator, fitness instructor, ministry worker, mentor,  residential worker, and inclusion specialist. This has given me perspective. Watching my friends suffer and struggle through these initial months, making the same mistakes and finding ways to success burned these lessons into me. Helping my own son struggle to overcome his disability has made this a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week mission.

If you know any of these parents feel free to use this to help them.

 Important Points

1. Don't panic: Yes, you have just entered a world of great stress, pain, and confusion. Welcome to autism world. Don't panic. It is not hopeless. If you keep a cool head, hold on to those close to you, Pray often, and think clearly: you can have great success. Your enemies are delay, denial, and time. It is normal to freeze when this crisis hits you but you must move as quickly as possible.

2. Plan: Plan for your short game, middle game, and long game. Start with your short term strategy. There will be those who say there is nothing you can do. Ignore them, push them aside and shake the dust off your feet. Research and find out what you need to do. Then do it. Find out who you need to help you, then bring them on your team. Find out what money you need, then figure out how to budget for it. Ask those who have been through it already for advice. You should not have to re invent the wheel alone. Hurry up, this needs to be done yesterday.

3. Support System: If you are married your spouse is the number one member of your team. 85% percent of parents with kids with autism get divorced. Figure out how to stay among the married 15%. You need a Defeat Autism Now (DAN) doctor to achieve recovery and an Aplied Behavorial Analisis (ABA) therapist for optimal results. Make the right educational choices. Some schools will help your child and some will hurt your child. Very few public and private schools will be honest about their performance. Go to other parents to find out about the schools, doctors, therapists, and churches. Figure out what you need to do yourself in the areas that can't be addressed by others.


4. Lies and Deception: Understand that people will lie to you because the disability of your child represents gains in money, influence, and other incentives. Professionals and Institutions will lie to you to hide their own shortcomings. Don't waste time with your anger. Don't let this slow you down. It's part of the landscape. Find out who you can trust and/ or work with and move forward.


5. Geography: In short: Do your research and find the best place with the best support. It is important to understand that some states and localities offer lots of support and some offer little or nothing. If you are in Florida and can move, leave now. Kids with autism in Connecticut get most of their therapy and education at little or no cost to the parent. The quality of the product is much better. Minnesota, California, Arizona, and most other states are also known for good support. If you must stay in Florida there are ways to get what your child needs but prepare to be broke all the time. The poor and wealthy tend get or buy more services. Middle class people tend to go broke fast. Resourceful people can always find ways but it takes a lot of time and effort. In short: Do your research and find the best place with the best support.

6. Fight: Successful parents with kids with autism all share one dynamic. They fight. Stand up to any person, institution, or profession that stands in the way of helping your child. This is hard. Some of the professionals and institutions available to help don't like to be questioned or challenged. What ever happens you must show courage and fight for your child no matter what.

7. Pray: I have experienced miracles. There will be times when you can't continue to fight, research, network, learn, or whatever you need to do. There will be nothing left of you once you have given all. At that point pray to the Lord for the strength to stand up and do more. I ran out of me years ago. All I give now is through the grace of God. Pray early, pray often. Go to Him each time everything falls apart. Pray for miracles.

This is a sinopsis of many important things a parent of child newly diagnosed with autism must deal with. Feel free to ask about any of the aspects written about.

Peace and Love,

Andrew

john 14:27

 I have recieved many questions about vaccines in the past few weeks.

I don't want to get bogged down in the whole vaccine debate. I have studied it extensivly and I have come to my own conclusions. Please educate before you vaccinate. I wish I learned more about it before Andrew Jr's vaccine injury that led to his autism.

In 1982 the autism rate in the U.S was 1 in 10,000. In 2007 it was 1 in 150. The latest estimate is 1 in 75. Compare that to vaccine rates.

"In 1982, children were given only three vaccines: live oral polio vaccine (Lederle, sole source); MMR vaccine (Merck, sole source); and DPT vaccine (Wyeth, owned by American Home Products; Lederle, owned by American Cyanamid    and the Canadian corporation, Connaught shared the DPT market)."

"By 2007 American children were being told by government health officials and pediatricians to get 48 doses of 14 vaccines by age six and 53-56 doses of 15 or 16 vaccines by age 12. In May 2007, CNN Money reported predictions that vaccine industry sales will more than double by 2010."    

When I read the below listed source I thought it crystalised the issue.
http://www.nvic.org/Myths-and-Facts.aspx;

I hope this is helpful.

In his Name,

Andrew

ADM Day 28

I wanted to give everyone an update about how things are going. In the last 28 days I have contacted a large number of area churches about disability ministry. I have divided them into several categories.

1. The "Yes" churches. These churches have committed to going forward with disability ministry in one form or another. This will be a great blessing to disabled kids that are presently disconnected from the church. A common concern among this group is a concern about resources and budget constraints. These are the churches that have put aside fears and choose to include everyone. Thank you "Yes" churches.

2. The "Deer in the Headlight" churches: These churches make up many of my contacts. I can't get a yes, no, or maybe out of them. They just close their eyes, cover their ears and say la la la la la

3. The "Discouraged" churches: I found one of these. The church rep told me that the church is full of old people and there is no need for family support. She then went on to talk about several young people in the church with disabilities but that they have not been a "problem". I could not break through the defeatist attitude. I left the very nice facility with some sadness and couldn't help thinking it was a nice church at one point but was now just a shadow of it's old self."

The "NO" churches: Their are several of these. One church representative responded to my friendly greeting by saying "no, no, no, we don't have any of those people here". I said that there are disabled people in the area that would love to be invited. She promptly ended the conversation. Another church rep. accused me of trying to make her feel guilty. I assured her that was not the case. I was simply giving her the same info I gave everyone.
          The third "NO" church is the church that threw out a disabled family 4 years ago. I know this because the evicted family was one of the first Two by Two families 4 years ago in my church. This "NO" church also has the distinction of saying no the fastest. They did not have to think about it. It is simply their way.
          The final two "NO" churches are built like theater, entertainment centers. They have paid music and other staff and lots of expensive equipment. I used to work in the theater and I know my sound and lighting equipment. These were concert halls with a cross. The staff in both places did not come across like Christians should. They did remind me of ordinary secular concert hall staff. In each case they had nothing for the disabled and in both cases disability ministry was quickly rejected.

4. It should also be pointed out that if you have a deaf ministry, a respite care ministry, or a group home ministry you are not all done. Several area churches have said to me "we do something for the disabled already". If you do God bless you for it!  That's great. But if you have a blind ministry on Wednesday night how does that help the down syndrome kid that shows up on Sunday morning? Everyone means everyone.

I don't mean to dwell on the negative. I am trying to understand the attitude of the church. The church was on the forefront of the revolutionary war, the abolitionist movement, and the civil rights movement. The church has been a force for positive change. Many churches have been standing up for all of God's children. Many have not. I'm not complaining. I love answering God's call and doing what I'm doing. I just don't understand all the push back.

Throughout the Gospel Jesus spends a great deal of time helping the disabled. He teaches us to protect children and help those in need.

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy."(Mat 5:7)

I know money is tight and  churches are busy with all sorts of important stuff. There are an estimated 4 million kids in America with special needs and an estimated 95% of them are unchurched. This is also important.

Thank you to the churches moving ahead with disability ministry.

Thank you, once again, to the many friends who take the time to read this. Please sign up for the blog so you can comment. Your feedback will be heartening and encouraging.

In His blessed name,

Andrew

Update One

Dear Friends,
Thank you for your intest in the ministry and the blog!  The new effort was kicked off on September 1st and it has been an exciting time.

The ultimate goal of the ministry is to help persons with disabilities and their families go to church.  At this point, most churches do little or nothing for this underserved population.  The rising rates of autism and related disabilites makes this population difficult to ignore, but it is happening all too often.  There are a few examples of good work being done, but these are the exceptions, not the rule.  It is our belief that this is not intentional on the church's part, but rather a lack of knowing WHAT to do to help.

We are in the process of offering help to the church.  We are contacting them by letter and phone.  So far, we have been encouraged that some churches are very interested in hearing more!  Though we have had disappointments when churches simply say no.  I can't figure out how some church leaders can say no to a disabled child and their family--especially when many have said that they have one or more families in their CURRENT congregation dealing with disability.  Yet they have no ministry for these families.  And they want no ministry for these families. To be honest, it breaks my heart. 

Right now, I am focused on churches who say, "YES!"  We are excited and praying for these families.  Please continue to pray for us, the church body and the church leadership. 

I would love to get your response to this post.  Please add comments below.

Peace and Love,
Andrew

Holland

This is a re-post of a great story written by Emily Perl Kingsley.  Thanks for posting this on your FB, Sonya! 

Welcome To Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley


When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy.  You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum.  The Michelangelo David.  The gondolas in Venice.  You may learn some handy phrases in Italian.  It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.  You pack your bags and off you go.  Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy!  I'm supposed to be in Italy.  All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan.  They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease.  It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language.  And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place.  It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.  But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips.  Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.  And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." 

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever  go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

The Beginning of Autism Disability Ministry

My name is Andrew Palmisano and I have been involved in Autism and Disability teaching/ministry for over 15 years.  Additionally, I am blessed to have an eight year old son who was diagnosed with Autism.

At Deltona Lakes Baptist Church, I have been privileged to work with an extraordinary group of people in developing a full inclusion Autism Disability Ministry called "Two by Two."  We have seen the mighty hand of God use us to positively impact the lives of families through this ministry.

I believe that God has called my family and I to share this ministry model with other churches, beginning in the Central Florida area.  So many families and caregivers are hurting, but there are very few programs in place!  Who better than the church to support them, pray for them and lead them into a closer relationship with Christ?  And isn't this exactly what we are commanded to do as a church? (Hebrews 10 and I Corinthians 12)

We are calling this ministry "Autism Disability Ministry" or "ADM."  We will begin by offering services to churches by way of seminars and consulting to help them start a ministry that fits their current ministry structure.  Our goal is that every church would adopt a form of "Two by Two" inclusion ministry, but we recognize that this may come in stages for some churches.

ADM would also like to expand into helping parents/caregivers directly.  We would like to see a donation program started that would help provide equipment (iPads, iPods, Laptops, etc.), services (therapy, supplements, etc.) and support.

This blog is intended to chronicle the journey of Autism Disability Ministry.   We are asking for help in several ways:
1. Pray for the ministry and the families we hope to reach. Pray for the churches to be open to this under-served mission field.
2. If your church does not have an Autism Disability program, help us get in touch with your church leadership.
3. Donate to ADM.

Please join us on this adventure as we watch God work!